5 Debilitating Traits That Every Battlefield: Bad Company 2 Rush Player Seems to Possess

by Andrew

May 3, 2010

 #1. Objective-A-Phobia


Pictured above: In-game footage.

Every good soldier knows that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. A good Bad Company 2 player knows when the going gets tough, you get the fuck out of dodge. The shriek of that bomb making contact with your station is enough to make any soldier drop what he's doing and run as fast as he can in the opposite direction.

No need to worry about helping the team and possibly going out in a blaze of glory, that excruciating six second respawn is just too high of a price to pay. Never fear though, someone'll get that bomb under control, right? Well you get abso-fucking-lutely nowhere when you have an entire team with that mindset. Like a high-stakes version of the blame game, nobody takes responsibility until the objective is nothing but charred remains. It devolves into a gallery of snipers watching one person jump around like a fish out of water hopelessly trying to do their job. Maybe they don't realize that anyone can actually defuse it or maybe they just love the sound of the bomb counting down to the imminent destruction. But wait! There's another station! Hope is not lost...or is it?


It totally is.

After that all too familiar sound of your objective going up in flames, you hear that uplifting radio chatter informing you that the second objective is also about to be returned to the Stone Age. You may wonder "Why won't anyone make a conscious effort to do anything about anything?" Well the answer to that is that they've got a 7-13 kill/death ratio, there's no way they'll try playing the game correctly to screw any of that success up.

 #2. Lack Of Any Direction


"Now where the hell is the Orange Julius?"

Nothing exemplifies a good defender like a soldier who's miles away from his base of operations. On the defensive, common sense would probably dictate that you kept close proximity to the object you were defending. However, these troopers go above and beyond the call of duty by not only abandoning their posts, but also delivering themselves directly to the enemy. What intelligent person would take the term defense to heart? The saying goes "Work hard, not smart," right? Wait a minute, that doesn't sound right.


Efficiency.

The equivalent of building a house while using your head for a hammer, attempting to clog up the enemies guns while nowhere near your base is about as counter-intuitive to the word "defense" as you can possibly get. While you're busy being the blood-lusting killing machine that you are, have fun looking through your binoculars twelve-miles behind you at the crater where your base and friends used to be.

 #3. A General Sense of Longing


"Hey man, mind if I set up shop here?"

Much like a confused group of ducklings freshly hatched, BC2 players seem to congregate together and are inseparable. This is especially true when you're trying to be discrete in whatever you're doing. Basically functioning as the equivalent of a neon sign proudly brandishing KILL US, these people basically seem to exist only to ruin your day.

This doesn't just encompass infantry as this somehow spreads to vehicle combat as well. This usually isn't an issue as most vehicles need at least a couple of people to be effective. It becomes baffling when people pile into your thirty-ton war machine like it's the fucking city bus. Furthering the bus metaphor, they don't seem to worry about ever getting out, much like they're waiting for the next stop. At least you can take solace in the fact that you've all entered together in a suicide pact like Thelma and Louise.


"I love you too Danec00k117!"

 #4. They're All Extremely Squeamish


"It's showtime!"

Possibly mistaking the Medic role for the Rambo role, anyone who sports this class does nothing but squeeze the trigger.

Perhaps they're traumatized by the sight of blood or maybe they're just using that gigantic green MedKit as a paperweight for that screenplay that they're trying so hard to finish. Rather than receive any kind of training in field medicine, they just are thrilled at the chance to use those gigantic Light Machine Guns. Granted it'd take them longer to reload said weapon than drop a medkit, but hey they'll just revive you later right? Well about that…

 #5. Medics Might Also Be Sadists


"Now, let me have a look at you."

After feeling that sweet embrace of a tank shell landing directly in your temple, you start to walk towards the light. You see your dead grandmother and yell "I'M COMIN GRANDMA!" Then, a loud thump, and wait, where are you? Oh that's right, you're right back in the exact spot you were. Of course, before you can even think about what the hell happened to you, you're immediately killed again. In what can occasionally be an infinite loop, you'll go through the motions of dying and being revived without any progress being made whatsoever. Does it ever occur to anyone that it's probably a good idea to kill whatever is killing your friends? I mean it's honestly the least productive thing you can possibly do.


Yes, even less productive than "Extreme Carpentry"

I mean seriously, who in the hell was in charge of training these assholes? Was it Dr. Frankenstein?

There's a brief inventory of the some of the deranged individuals that play this game. Since when were mental institutions giving out Xboxes?